This year has not been kind to us and especially not for the movie-going public. Bayside Journal brings to you the most effed-up movies that definitely did not deserve a release in 2016!
1. Sanam Re
This particular movie was only famous for it’s melancholic title song. Since the song went so viral, I thought, “Hey! The movie should be great too!’ But boy, was I wrong. This gem of a movie starts off with a guy who is in search of his childhood lover. He leaves his job to find this woman. Being an avid watcher of romantic movies myself, this wasn’t quite what I was expecting. In this entire movie, since he was five, it becomes his sole purpose just to fall in love. Like bro, love ain’t gonna pay dem bills!
2. Kya Kool Hai Hum 3h
Aye aye, Censor Board, where you at when we need you? If it isn’t enough that Aftab Shivdasani’s face creeps the bejesus out of me, in this movie he’s reached a total different level of creepiness. I am all for movies that have sex playing a major role in them, movies like American Pie have done it just the way it has to be done! But when it comes to this particular movie, the jokes are amateur and not even close to hysterical. It’s more of oh let’s make the woman dance in bikini, that ought to get us a five-star rating!
3. Housefull 3
This unfunny, sadistic movie revolves around three men marrying three daughters belonging to a rich household. I vividly remember my family taking me for this movie and the entire theater laughing away at the ‘’apparent jokes’’ while I sat there with a straight face wondering what happened to my nation’s definition of sense of humour.
4. Great Grand Masti
You know those impulsive decisions of going back to your ex again even after you’re well aware of the consequences? You know that it will just end in the same mess that had driven you two apart. That was the exact feeling I had whilst watching the third installment in the Masti series — Great Grand Masti. It seems making the same mistake twice wasn’t enough — the buffoons behind the film decided to do it thrice. Great Grand Masti was apparently a horror film — the horror that was supposed to scare me wasn’t so frightening but Riteish Deshmukh’s face did the job.
5. A Flying Jatt
This film starring Tiger Shroff had me rolling my eyes as I wondered what kind of weed do you need to inhale to make this kind of a film. A Flying Jatt, which is India’s answer to Marvel films revolves around Aman who realises he has superhero powers. The scene where he realises his superhero powers is hilarious. His mother makes him watch several other superhero movies of the Marvel and DC stable till they confirm that he’s indeed a superhero! The movie that was supposed to fall in the sci-fi action genre had me gasping for breath, and no, that’s not a compliment. Tiger Shroff, you ain’t no Thor, stay in your lane.
6. Ae Dil Hai Mushkil
I had high hopes from this movie but after watching it I had to question Karan Johar’s idea of romance and friendship. The film revolves around Ayan who is in love with Alizeh who unfortunately doesn’t have the same kind of feelings for him. Ayan’s manly ego gets hurt after being rejected, so much so, that he also pushes her away, manhandling her, showing her the middle finger and going all ‘’agar tum meri nahi ho sakti, toh kisiki nahi ho sakti!’’ The ‘friendzoning’ drives him crazy and he keeps pursuing her till the end of the movie. This movie is a whole different level of Bollywood relationships gone wrong.
7. Ishq Junoon
Ishq Junoon takes the typical B-grade sex film to a whole new level with its total absurdity. The movie is about an ambitious woman who comes to the city to fulfill her dreams of being very wealthy. She then meets a rich man who wants to marry her. After some time, she meets his friend or brother and realises he’s probably richer than the first one so mauka pe chauka maarke—and she proceeds to sleep with the friend. The weird part is not sex, I’m not squeamish about watching erotica; it is the way they have portrayed sex and threesomes. There is a lot of porn out there in the world, waiting to be explored; this movie is not it.
8. Teraa Surroor
Yes, I had to sit through the entire movie. Sometimes a movie is so pathetic that calling it a movie is an insult to the great art form. I could elaborate on the plot but I’ll just tell you one thing that will trump any question you may have about this film — Himesh Reshamiya is the main lead.
9. Wajah Tum Ho
Wajah Tum Ho is Bollywood’s attempt to pull off a Sherlock Holmes — but it is neither funny not intriguing. I love Sharman Joshi ever since Rang De Basanti, but 10 minutes into the movie I was wondering what career choices he’s making off late. Remember SSSH.. Koi Hai? That is way better than this film. I’d rather watch Vikraal and Gabraal solve cases for hours on end, but this movie? I’ll pass.
10. MSG: The Warrior Lionheart
Last but certainly not the least, watching MSG had me wondering whether I was hallucinating or this movie was actually playing out. The film is about a warrior who saves the world from an alien invasion. According to Wikipedia, the plot is as follows:
The story is about a medieval warrior who fights for the honor of his land and the dignity of the womenfolk. The story travels centuries apart as he emerges in another role as a modern Indian equivalent of James Bond, a stylish top secret agent.
James Bond. Yes, they actually did that.
All’s well that ends well is not what I can say after I watched these films, but hey! 2017 is just a few days away. Better times ahead, let’s hope, for everybody’s sake.