13 Creepy Ways Girls Have Hit On Guys

'She broke into my house and taped over a hundred pictures of her face photoshopped with mine on my wall'

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If you are a woman, chances are you have been asked out by a creep at least once in your life. It is not common for girls to ask guys out and even more uncommon to hit on them blatantly. Redditors list out the weirdest ways girls have asked them out.

1. Fellated a Pound of Fries

When I was a bouncer at a dive bar during an incredibly cold winter, I had a woman sit in the booth closest to the door where I had to be, and fellate each and every fry of an entire large basket of fries while attempting to hold my eye contact. I mean, I could see someone doing that on one or two fries, while trying to be sexy. It’s a little weird, but whatever. But she sat down and fellated about a pound and a half of fries. Sucking and licking each one, while staring straight at me. She did not have the “coy glance” down at all. This was an aggressive, almost violent sex act perpetrated on a potato directly at me. And it went on for over a half hour. And I was a captive audience, because I had to be at the door, and it was like 8 degrees outside. [Fearlessleader85]

2. When You Get Straight to the Point

I used to drive a limo (well, a sedan service, but it wasn’t a stretch). I picked up a rich, drunk, middle-aged couple, and the woman got her face up between the front seats and stared at me for a few minutes, then she said, “so, do you wanna f*ck tonight?”

I didn’t say anything, pretending she was not talking to me, and I met her husband’s eyes in the mirror. He was just rolling his eyes and shaking his head sadly. When we arrived at their resort, the bellmen had to literally drag her out of the car. [ccnova]

3. The Nut Job

At a high school party this chick came up and hit me in the nuts, as I was bent over in agony she took it upon herself to comfort me by saying she was sorry and gently rubbing the affected area.

It was not a great approach, but we did f**k. [kaywalsk]

4. Gulp!

Run into a girl I knew at the bar, we get to talking. She asks if I’m single these days, I say yeah. She writes her number on a napkin and says, “Call me this weekend.” Then she leans in, whispers: “I’m gonna make you wish you were never born.”

To this day I still wonder what the hell she meant by that, but damned if I was going to find out… [sxmanderson]

5. Stalker Alert!

Sent me pictures of myself through my window from her parked car outside my apartment. The kicker was it was from an unknown number as she was using a third-party messaging app.

She thought she was being cute, but it creeped the holy hell out of me. [Couch_Licker]

6. Hell No!

Preface: My oldest sister is 15 years older than me and moved away when I was 4.

I’m 18, in college, working nights in a convenience store. Around 6:30 one morning a woman walked in looking like she had been hit by a truck. She sees me and asks, “hey, are you girl-Russiophile’s brother?”

I am.

“I’m Lulu. I’m a friend of your sister, we went to high school together.”

I asked if she was ok.

“Yeah. My husband beat me up.”

Wow.

Can I call the police for you?

“No! But could you give me a ride to the <cheap hotel where certain women let rooms by the hour>.

Um… ok, I get off work in 30.

I drive her there and wait while she secures lodging.

“Want to come in?”

No thanks. I think I want to go home, grab a beer and get some sleep.

“Know what I want? A good f**kin’ and I think you’re the guy to do it.”

She has two black eyes, a missing tooth, and bloody lips, and let’s not forget the psychopathic husband roaming the moors!

I noped right the f**k out of there and have never regretted the decision. [Russiophile]

7. Yikes

Two drunk women at a NASCAR race walked by me and one said “You can’t rape the willing but I wish you’d try” [YourDadsUsername]

8. Got Milk?

She said she wanted to milk me.

For those asking yes I did let her. [DarthMurdok]

9. The Kid Lawyer

When I was a 24-year-old ski instructor, a married sixteen-year-old girl told me she wanted to sleep with me. I told her that a) She was married, b) she was underage, and c) the last thing I wanted to do was get a teenage girl pregnant.

She came back a few weeks later with documentation proving she was on the pill, her divorce papers, and photocopied excerpts from a law book clarifying that age of consent laws do not apply when a person is married or has been married.

The girl did her homework. [Kasper-X-Hauser]

10. So Many Hints, But You Didn’t Get It

  • When talking about which apartments we lived in, she showed me a Google Street view of her apartment and directions how to get there.
  • She joined the gym she knew I worked out at, even though it was way out of the way for her.
  • She knew nothing about baseball until I told her I was a fan and then became a huge fan of my favorite team.
  • Totally shifted her political views when she found out we’re on opposite sides.
  • Did a whole bunch of research on my home city and ended up knowing more history of that city than me.

Oh sh*t… I think I missed out on my dream girl. It’s no wonder I’m still single. [crastle]

11. Breaking In

In middle school, there was this girl that used to crush on me hard. I had no attraction to her, so it was mostly just her pestering me constantly.

Well one night, while I was out with some friends. She broke into my house and taped over a hundred pictures of her face photoshopped to have her and I together all over my walls.

She thought it was the cutest thing in the world, but I hated her after that, and my parents called the cops. [tylerwaf]

12. Mmmm… Salami…

Had a sloppy drunk cougar at some shithole dive in West Virginia groped my junk as I walked past, then said loudly mmm, mama likes her salami.

Gotta be honest, I wasn’t even mad. [MrFuxIt]

13. Silly Boy

High school, a friend of mine and I used to send notes back and forth as a common occurrence. One day a bit of anatomy showed up in one of the notes in the form of fingers opening a vagina. Asked her what it was about, and she played it off as practicing for art class.

I was not an intuitive lad. [SlimChiply]