It can be easy as an outsider to say that you are not in a healthy relationship but when you are actually inside of the relationship it can be harder to really separate your emotions and your judgment apart. Sometimes you just need some relationship advice from an outsider to see it clearly.
The trick is once you recognize these signs you have to admit them to yourself. You have to remove your emotions and take a long hard look at what’s really going on.
Instead of just trying to comprehend it yourself try using tools like writing it down to visually see what’s happening or talking to a friend and having them tell you what they see – and picture it from their point of view. Use whatever tool that helps you to remove yourself from the situation that gives you a new perspective on things.
Here are 6 signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship:
1. You Are Below the Friendship Level of Relating – Almost in The Acquaintance Area
Friendships are open and honest and they are full of communication and shared experiences.
Intimate relationships should be one step above that. They include sexual relations and a closeness that friendships just don’t have.
You may be in this area if you are the only one who wants to talk, have sex, go out, socialize, be together, and so on and so forth. Your partner is never on the same page as you and you feel like you are in the relationship alone.
A healthy relationship will have a balance between doing your own thing and being together as a unit. A strong couple talks about everything and anything and does not hide anything from the other person.
They are honest and open with each other and fill each other in on other aspects of their life like work, social events, friendships etc….If you are the only one who wants to share everything with your partner while they would rather just do their own thing then you are in more of an acquaintance friendship then a relationship.
If you feel like your relationship is below the friendship level then your relationship needs some work.
2. You Feel Abused In Any Way, Shape, or Form
There’s emotional and physical abuse and they both take on many different shapes – but they should not be present in your relationship at all.
For example, you may expect your boss to make you feel like you don’t know what you are doing (even though it’s not right) but when you come home from work your partner should be your shoulder to lean on and make you feel better about yourself. They should not be someone who adds more salt to the wound.
Your partner should always be the one who lifts you up and pushes you forward. They should be on your side and help you get through things that other people wouldn’t.
If your partner is making you feel bad in any way…that’s not healthy and needs to be eliminated from the relationship right now.
3. You Feel Less Important Than Others To Them.
You should be number one on their list as you are the person who is supposed to be the most intimate with and closest to.
If you feel like their co-workers, friends, neighbours – whoever, is more important then you are then you may want to rethink the relationship.
Yes, of course, they can be close to other people, but if they make you feel less important than other people that’s a deal breaker.
If their friend constantly comes before your relationship or your needs then let them be with their friend and find someone who is going to put your first.
If you are being abused in some way by their family and they don’t stick up for you then you need to set them straight that you shouldn’t be treated like that.
You are their partner on a level like no other and you deserve to be number one on their list.
4. You Are Not Happy In The Relationship
This is a huge sign. Bells should be ringing here! Your partner may be perfect and loving and caring and there for you and….you just are not happy. This is your mind’s sub-conscious way of saying “This is probably not for us”.
Many people stay in relationships because there is nothing wrong with them and they are comfortable but at the same time they are not happy and joyful and they realize that their relationship does not make them happy. This is not healthy for you or your relationship.
Life is meant to be lived! Really living life makes you feel good and happy and joyful to experience each day with a few ‘Blah’ days thrown in here and there.
Do you have more ‘Blah’ days than not with your partner?
I think the best way to know for sure is if you can’t get it out of your head. Trust your instincts that are screaming at you day after day.
If you want to try to fix it and see if that helps then get some help. Read the self-help books, talk to other people, keep searching for the answer that will give you an insight into what you really want – but don’t ever settle for ‘Blah’.
5. You are Excessively Dependent on the Relationship
If you find yourself unable to live without talking, seeing, or thinking about your partner it may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
An intimate relationship with someone should make you feel safe and secure together and as if you always have someone on your side there for you but it should not make you feel like you can’t do anything unless they are around or are aiding you in some way.
I’m not saying that being together all the time is a bad thing but not being able to function without your partner at all times is.
You have to live your own life and include your partner in it. Even if you have the same values, beliefs, and goals – you still have separate bodies and minds which dictate your next step or move.
6. You Are Trying To Conform To What You Think They Want
If you are normally a loud and outgoing person but you pretend to be quiet and meek while they are around then you are essentially lying to them and yourself.
No relationships should consist of lies or betrayals and pretend to be someone you are not is on the top of that list. You owe it to them and to yourself to be who you are and be proud of who you are.
The real you will come out eventually and it will most likely cause anger, hurt, and a possible breakup. Avoid that and just be real from the beginning.