It is said that you should never lie to your doctor, teacher and lawyer. Some people however fail to heed this advice and try to hide some really bizarre issues for incomprehensible reasons. Doctors of Reddit list out the weirdest things patients tried to hide from them.

1. The Medication Works!

“Do you have any medical conditions, sir?”


“Are you on any medications?”


“So you have high blood pressure?”

“No, the Metoprolol keeps it down!” [cynical_genius]

2. Do These Count?

Actual conversation I had with a guy a week ago.

Any past medical history?

“High blood pressure. That’s it”

No other history?

“Nope. That’s it.”

(Proceed to take off his shirt.)

Sir. What is that huge scar on your chest?

“Oh that’s from my triple bypass.”

That’s medical history sir. Anything else you want to add in now?

“Oh does CHF and diabetes count? I have those also” [YouarenotLaBoeuf]

3. I Quit This Morning

My favourite…. “do you smoke?” “Heavens no!” “Have you ever” “Yes, but I’ve quit” “How long ago?” “This morning.” [Shorttbus]

4. I Shouldn’t Have Told You!

Once took an initial history from a patient who reluctantly admitted he’d had two heart attacks in the last five years. I started to ask him a bunch of follow-up questions and he got extremely huffy and defensive. “It’s not a big deal! If I had known you were going to act like this I never would have told you!” [quesadilla17]

5. My Foot Stinks

One day an elderly husband and wife came into her office and when asked why they had come in, the wife responded, “his foot has been smelling for a while and I finally convinced him to come have it looked at.” My aunt, not hard of smelling, concurred that his foot stunk. She asked him to remove his shoe and sock. When he removed his sock, the bone from his big toe fell out of his toe and onto the ground. Turned out he had a very bad case of gangrene that had eaten away the flesh of his toe. He knew something was wrong but was stubborn and didn’t get it checked sooner. [Gregorian_Rants]

6. I’m No Druggie!

I admitted a guy for pneumonia, which was odd because he was young and strapping, no other medical issues, x-ray didn’t look quite right. The pieces just didn’t add up and so I started questioning him more closely.

Me: Do you use any drugs? Patient: Drugs! That’s disgusting. I’m no druggie! I’ve never touched drugs in my life.

I move on to other questions and suddenly:

Patient “Look, doc, I just want you to know I may have used cocaine once or twice years and years ago. I just snorted it though. That wouldn’t cause this, right? Me: How long ago? Patient: Like ten years, maybe longer. Me: It shouldn’t be affecting you after this long. Patient: More like five. Me: Years? Patient: Uh, like five months ago.

This goes on forever, until he admits he just got off a massive crack binge the day before, where he spent the past three days in a hotel with some “loose women” smoking crack non-stop. He finishes with: “But I don’t want you to think I’m one of those dirty druggies.”

No, I think you’re the idiot who lied and was getting treated for pneumonia instead of getting the proper treatment for crack lung, which is what he had. [glumapple]

7. Self Acupuncture

A 60 y F came in after “falling asleep and rolling on a pin cusion”. She had 3 2 inch needles in her left shoulder on xray. Later found out she had been trying self acupuncture :S [NarcanForAll]

8. Bad Witch Doctor Advice

This is probably the weirdest one I’ve ever heard: An old woman came into the ER with a high fever, abdominal pain, dizziness, etc. Sure enough, she looks up there (vagina) and sees two beady little eyes staring back at her! The doctor begins to pull it out to which the old woman responds, “put it back!” Turns out the old woman (well past menopause) had gone to a bad witch doctor to help her get pregnant. Her recommendation: put a (now dead) turtle up there for a few days and she’d regain the ability to get pregnant. [Cmonster194]

9. Shooting Themselves in the Chest

A patient came in with chest pain. Said they’d fallen and hit their chest on a table. Xray was performed to evaluate for a rib fracture or collapsed lung.

The xray instead showed a long metallic foreign body in the left chest, within the heart. When questioned further the patient admitted to lying, and that they’d actually shot themselves in the chest with a nail gun. The wound was not bleeding nor really noticeable.

They were taken to the operating room and did quite well after open heart surgery. [Smeeee]

10. She NEVER Had Sex

Patient became visibly annoyed when the first test suggested is a pregnancy test. Patient (and mother) insisted that she never had sexual intercourse. Angrily, if I may add, even when the test results turned back as positive.

“No, no, you QUACK. I’m tellin’ you she never had no sex!” [Lampyris]

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