Remember when you just got married, whenever there was any difference in preference or opinions, it was always so easy for both of you to find common ground and strike a compromise? Even if it meant that you agree to disagree, it was ever so easy to give your spouse some room and your spouse found it so easy too. However, now that you have been together for a long time, that easiness of finding middle ground seems to have flown out the window.
Inevitable challenges and conflicts always arise in any marriage (yes, even the seemingly perfect ones have their lightning and thunder moments). And if you feel that things are truly spiraling out of control, well maybe you need to remember what is was like to compromise with your spouse. If you and your spouse are facing a truly difficult challenge and it is beginning to put too much strain on the foundation of your marriage, you need to make a change right now. You need to learn how to strike a balance and make compromises.
Recognizing which battles are worth the fight is the perfect way to start learning how to compromise. When there is a considerable strain on the marriage, even a cracked cup can ignite a monumental fight. If you are already feeling intense anger with your spouse for something, you must refuse to let that anger creep in every time you see or speak with your spouse. Stand back, take a breath and decide if the issue at hand is still going to matter tomorrow, next week or next month. If your answer is no, then you need to agree to compromise.
If the issue is of great importance and may change the dynamics in your marriage and compromise may seem not an option, compromise is still possible. There is always a way to resolve the issue that will satisfy you both. But you will never find out what that is if you are both being stubborn. You two need to take a moment and agree to discuss the issue at a later time when you have both cooled down. Set a meeting.
Treat the meeting as an important one and each of you should prepare a list of positives and negatives of your respective opinions. Make an agreement about how long each of you has to discuss your respective views on the issue while the other listens and does not interrupt. You both need to truly listen to each other’s points. Once you do this, finding common ground will be much easier and your marriage will be stable.