- Have you ever wondered why you keep meeting the same dropkicks?
- Do all your relationships seem to go the same way – down the toilet?
- Do you self-sabbotage when things are going well?
These situations are all symptomatic of energy barriers or ‘entanglements’. And these are what are holding you back from true alignment and a fabulous fulfilling relationship with all the bows and whistles that you deserve.
I was like this once.
I had relationships with men that were unavailable and emotionally distracted. Now, by unavailable I mean unwilling to fully commit – not married men. I became a victim of failed relationship after failed relationship. I gravitated towards men that treated me badly, and I fought bucket loads of tears after each break-up believing I would never meet the ‘right one’. I hit rock bottom as I watched all my friends meet their Mr Perfect, get married and start a family.
I felt alone, unloved and unwanted. What a horrible way to be !!!!!
Occasionally, I decided enough was enough. I was sick of being a victim and decided something must change and that something was ME. I could not go on blaming the men I was meeting. I was attracting them for a reason and I had to find out why.
I began journaling, and through this process I got to know myself a little better. This is what I discovered:
1. I was afraid.
I was afraid of meeting someone willing to commit, willing to treat me like a Princess. I was afraid of true intimacy. I was afraid of rejection. What will he think when he really gets to know me?
Limiting self-belief: I’m unloveable.
2. I self-sabbotaged.
Because I was so afraid, I would automatically choose men that were less likely to commit because somewhere in my subconscious this made me feel safe. I did not have to be vulnerable, and did not have to experience true intimacy. I picked the ones that I knew were no good so I could continue the familiar pattern of relationship failure. Weird I know!
Limiting self-belief: I do not deserve a true, loving and intimate relationship.
3. I lacked good male role models growing up.
My father was never there for me. He corrected me and called me names when I needed him most. He broke the father / daughter trust many times over leaving me unable to understand what it was like to have a loving, trusting relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I was constantly waiting for something bad to happen. This caused massive walls of resistance to emerge in order to protect myself from what my subconcious had learned to be the inevitable – pain and suffering.
Limiting self-belief: I have no ‘effen idea what love between men and women should be, so lets just stay ignorant.
I realized after much soul searching and self-reflection that I needed to tackle these limiting self-beliefs and turn them around or I was going to continue on the same path of destruction, and it was not going to be pretty.
I began writing a list of all my positive attributes. They kinda looked like this:
ATTRACTIVE – no-one seems to vomit when they look at me (so that’s gotta be a good thing right?)
FIT AND HEALTHY – Muscular and toned. A regular ‘ole size 8-10. No health problems here.
INTELLIGENT – High distinction student, with an insatiable appetite for knowledge.
LOVING – I have many, many friends and spiritual children (foster kids) who I love unconditionally, and who love me back equally.
FINANCIALLY STABLE – I have worked hard all my life and own 2 houses near the beach. I am comfortable and have no financial concerns.
TALENTED – I am an accomplished violinist, and frequently perform with orchestras and ensembles all over Australia.
Well – on paper, I looked pretty damn good!
Who would not want me ?? I’m an awesome package!
Limiting self-belief number one obliterated. I am awesome and I am loveable.
The next one was a wee bit tricky. For those of you who are serial self-sabbotagers you will know that this is a set pattern that is embedded in our brain chemistry. Therefore it will take significant insight and practice to change it. But do not worry, research now indicates that our brain is like ‘plastic’, it is constantly changing so there is hope! Here’s what I did to start me on the way:
I opened up my mind and wrote a list of what I would want in a dream relationship. One without fear or mistrust. It looks like this (literally):
I even drew a picture of us walking along a beach together holding hands, and I had a pregnant belly! Wow – how nice.
I wrote love letters to my man, expressing how I felt and how in love with him I was.
Whenever I went to this place, it was really beautiful.
I felt love, peace and contentment and I had not even met him yet! Weird right?
Then, guess what … he appeared! My true love walked off the plane as I was eating a muffin in the lounge area and my jaw dropped. It was him!
Limiting self-belief number two gone. I deserve the desires of my heart.
Years on, I am married with two wonderful children and we are happy, happy, happy!
So you see – you CAN have it all!
Along the way, I had to work at the 3rd limiting self-belief – as I did not have experience with a trusting male / female relationship – but I found wonderful role models in my laws (bless them), and also my Mum and Step-Dad.
I had finally released the entanglements of my past and limiting self-beliefs so LOVE COULD FLOW!
This can be the same for you too. Whatever you are struggling with, whether you are single, or in a relationship you can improve your situation by being still and reflecting on your limiting self-beliefs (we all have them to a degree). Counteract them with positives and meditation on the desires of your heart, move into alignment and they will come to you.
You are AWESOME and LOVABLE and you DESERVE THE BEST IN LIFE.
I love you all and wish for you to have rich and fulfilling relationships free from entanglements and self-limiting beliefs. You can do this!