People Who Should Have Been Fired, But Weren’t

Accidentally buying a million shares and punching a student would have got most people fired— but not these employees

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Stealing, lying, getting caught with your pants down is a sure-shot way of getting fired. These guys did all that and more, but somehow, managed to keep their jobs. Here they are, courtesy Reddit.

1. Thief to Manager

The facilities maintenance company I worked for got taken over by a new company. The new company was sh*t to work for. One of the guys was getting really stressed out and since his wife made big bucks, she asked him to quit. Instead of quitting he decided to just come and go as he pleased, stole whatever he wanted, used the shop area and company supplies to work on personal projects for his house. This went on for over a year. They promoted him out of his position into management. [A_H0RRIBLE_PERSON]

2. Punched a Student

Back when I was doing my student teaching, a teacher punched a student in the face and did not get fired.

In his defense, the kid was 17 and thought it would be funny to rip the wig off of a female teacher who was going through chemo. The teacher who did the punching was right there and it was pretty much an immediate reaction. Not a single person in that school blamed that teacher for what he did. [partofbreakfast]

3. Sleep it Off

She came in still drunk from the night before. Her partner calls the director, who shows up and tells her to get a shower and sleep it off. I work for a 911 EMS service. [Mephestos_halatosis]

4. Mistake to Millions

Worked on a project back in 1999 where we wrote a trading system for one of the largest brokerage firms in CA. It was already in production for 6 months when my co-worker was adding a new feature to simplify order entry.

So at his desk he shows a quick demo to our boss where he enters a BUY order for 10,000 shares of IBM. Then the order starts getting partial fills-back. The thing is that since our test system fills the entire order all at once, there shouldn’t be any partials coming back. So I ask him why this was happening … and right at that moment he realises his config file is pointing towards the production database and not the demo system.

He literally starts screaming in pure abject fear at the top of his lungs repeatedly saying “I AM ON PRODUCTION, I AM ON PRODUCTION”. Turns out he bought over $1 million of IBM. Our boss immediately runs down to the trading floor in a panic to tell the head trader that they will need to unwind this. I assumed we were all getting fired. Later in the day I asked my boss what happened and he just says “they ended up making some money on the trade” and nothing ever came of it. [RealThagSimmons]

5. Potterotica

Co-worker would read erotic Harry Potter fan fiction on her workstation for at least 6 hours a day at 40+pt font size. [Qysses]

6. The Costly Oopsie

Accidentally emailed the salaries of about 1,000 employees to those employees, so everyone got to see how much more money the new guy who was worse than them made. Cost a lot of money to level all those salaries. [HighOnGoofballs]

7. Hot Girls Get Away with Everything!

At one hotel I worked at, one girl got caught dropping empty drop envelopes into the safe and taking the cash. I’m talking about hundreds of dollars per shift for multiple shifts.

She was hot though. I think the owner liked staring at her.

By the time I quit, she was still there. [michikade]

8. When You’re So Hot It’s OK

Friend of mine worked as a bartender for two years. Everyone got a raise periodically based on their experience, and more flexible hours.

Except one girl. When she quit she chewed out the owner for not giving her a raise and the worst hours. He told her the truth, in that he knew she was stealing money every shift. Everyone else had caught her at one time or another stealing cash or giving free drinks to her friends. Rewarded everyone else for being good employees and figured she would quit eventually. Told her she brought in more business than what she was stealing because she was hot. [pm_me_recipies_girl]

9. Ruined a Lamborghini? No Problem 

Not sure which one is better. I work on exotic cars for clarification….

At an old dealership I worked for, car sales manager got caught taking a Lamborghini (without company permission) to pick up a date for a baseball game and ended up rear ending someone (he still works there).

Subsequent dealership I worked for, guy went to move an exotic race car… thought the big red button on the dash was to start the car. That was the mobile fire extinguisher button, filled the entire car up with fire extinguisher fluid (he quit 6 months after this). [twinturbochris]

10. Fishapocalypse

I worked at a pet store for a long time. We had a Cyanobacteria outbreak and were bleaching individual tanks (once separated from main sump) and then dechlorinating the tanks and testing them before putting them back in with the main sump system.

She reattached a tank half-full of bleach to the main tank system. As I walked into the store (it was my day off; I was just there for lizard food), I just see the majority of the fish moving around listlessly. Then they started death-spiralling. I point this out to my coworkers and they start freaking out. One of them starts dumping bottles of dechlorinator into the system.

Meanwhile, Ole Red fishes out her favourite fish, blood parrot cichlids, and starts blowing into their gills, trying to do some shi**y approximation of CPR. She ends up throwing them into the separate sick tank in hopes of saving them.

Anyway, she killed 99% of the fish and I had to help shovel out their corpses while crying the entire time.

She didn’t get fired and never took responsibility for the event. [nerdhappyjq]

11. What the Hell?

A guy I work with has been caught with a prostitute in his work truck on company time.

Twice.

One of them was underage.

I don’t know how he still has a job. [Adddicus]

12. GOD DAMNIT, PHEW

Worked at a small radio station. Guy who was on air before me would record the local news for me to play at 6 pm. It was recorded, so if he messed up he would just start over and edit that part out. Well one day he forgets that he messed up so he doesn’t edit it. I play the news on-air at 6 and in the middle I hear “GOD DAMNIT NOW I HAVE TO DO THIS FU**ING THING AGAIN…(then in his pleasant radio voice) Hi I’m Jim Thomas with your 6 o’clock news update”. Not sure why he didn’t get fired. [paulvs88]

13. THIS IS BULLSH*T

It was actually me, I still have no idea what I was thinking.

The owners of the company all showed up for a company meeting and said they wanted to reward us. They started handing out checks, I open it up and see $2,000. Now, I don’t make a ton of money and I was having health issues and had been to the ER a few times in the last few months. So this money would literally save me.

Everyone’s all excited and very surprised our management who were known to be penny pinchers that didn’t care at all about employees would do this.

Then I see it.

The checks were all dated for 2 years from now. They said if we stayed with the company with no write ups and never miss a day of work we could cash those checks in 2 years.

I just lost it… I walked up the front of the presentation, held my check up, ripped it into shreds, and said, “This is some serious bullsh*t” and threw the shreds at the owners.

Surprisingly I wasn’t fired. Probably because I am the highest producing employee in the company. Or maybe they realised toying with people like that really wasn’t a good idea. Who knows. [Jesta23]

14. It’s Just Sex

As a teacher, years ago, two of my colleagues got caught having oral sex in the school parking lot by a student. The woman (giver) is now the union president, but up until last year she continued being a teacher for the same school district. The man (receiver) remained a PE teacher at the same school until he retired about 5 years later. [hedgehogmilkshakes]