We are going to lead with some World News today. Why? Because it’s hilarious. We know that as long as Donald Trump is going to be the President of the most powerful country in the world (?), there’s going to be a lot of fun to be had. And true to this style, he didn’t disappoint.
The Donald Doesn’t Know How to Switch On the Lights in White House
Apparently, Donald Trump and his whole team have been working in the dark in the White House because they can’t find light switches to the cabinet room where they conduct their meetings. They speak in the dark and have to feel their way out of the room, according to this brilliant report by The New York Times.
13,000 People Hung in Syria Jails in Secret
An Amnesty International news report alleges that 13,000 people (most of them civilian opposition supporters) were executed in secret in Syrian prisons. These executions were carried out at the behest of the Syrian government. The BBC has a detailed report on this here.
Now let’s get a little closer to home with some City News from Mumbai.
Girls Get PCODs because They Dress Like Men
Swati Deshpande is the principal of the Government Polytechnic College in Mumbai. She believes that girls suffer from PCODs (Poly Cystic Ovarian Diseases) because they dress up and behave like men. Which is why all girls in her college will wear salwar kameezes from now on.
Bombay High Court Says Girl Used to Doing Dirty Things, Lets Rape Accused Go Free
Apparently, if a father is accused of raping his adopted daughter, it’s the daughter’s fault because she is ‘used to doing dirty things’. No, we are not kidding, This is the what the Bombay High Court said when they granted bail to the dad. It’s no wonder more girls don’t report rape.
While we are busy treating women like they don’t matter in a morally bankrupt city, what’s going on in Delhi? Here’s some National Feed.
Nobel Winner Kailash Satyarthi’s Medal Stolen From Home
If you can’t earn one, steal one. Nobel Prize winner Kailash Satyarthi’s replica medal was stolen from his home in Delhi. Satyarthi had won the prize in 2014 for his work against child labour and trafficking. Well, Delhi is full of thieves. Satyarthi should have known better.
Demonetisation Cleans India Like Swachh Bharat, Says Modi
Prime Minister Narendra Modi said demonetisation cleaned India of black money and tackled tax evasion. It was essential and much-needed, just like Swachh Bharat. The PM was speaking in the Lok Sabha where he defended his decision to make India go cashless.
Sport makes you laugh and makes you cry. Today was no different.
National Level Archer Sells Oranges on the Road
Buli Basumatary used to be a National Level archer before an injury in 2010 kept her out of the game for a long time. She was never able to get back to it. She now sells oranges on National 31 Highway in the Samthaibari region in Assam. She is married and a mother of two and is struggling to make ends meet. Just another one of India’s sporting heroes left in the wilderness.
David Beckham Throws Massive Tantrum Because He Didn’t Get a Knighthood
Controversial emails that may or may not have been doctored portray David Beckham in a very poor light. Beckham was all set to become a Knight in 2014 but HM Revenue and Customs raised a red flag because of the small matter of tax avoidance. In response, the tattooed, vain, celebrity (apart from being one of football’s great talents) called the Honours Committee ‘a bunch of c***s’ and said the Honours system was a ‘f*****g joke’.
Today, we give you an overdose of Raees. One story has Shah Rukh Khan in it and the other one doesn’t. Time for some Entertainment.
Raees Banned in Pakistan Because It Portrays Muslims in Bad Light
Pakistan is just like India when it comes to movies. We don’t want their actors to work in Bollywood and they don’t want our movies to release there. Both sides come up with inane reasons to ban movies. This time the Central Censor Board in Pakistan has banned Raees because it portrays Muslims and Islam in a bad light. This is the equivalent of trying to ban movies on the mafia because they show Italians in a bad light. Idiots!
Introducing Akhilesh Yadav As Raees With Sidekick Rahul Gandhi
The UP CM is shown as Shahrukh Khan’s character in Raees in a hilarious parody video with Narendra Modi as Nawazuddin Siddiqui. What’s not to love about this?