Christmas is often considered to be a child-friendly festival with all the reindeers and a jolly, round-faced Santa Claus handing out toys. The songs that are played out this time of the year are all about sleigh bells ringing, jingle bells, and of course, Santa. While there are several holiday songs about romance and yearning, they are often PG-13 at the most. Consenting adults who wish to have a raunchier Christmas need not have to listen to those sickly-sweet love songs to get in the mood. Bayside Journal brings to you a list of naughty Christmas songs to spice up your Christmas.
Christmas Tree – Lady Gaga
Ho ho ho, under the mistletoe
Yes, everybody knows
We will take off our clothes
Yes, if you want us to we will
In this song, Gaga makes it clear that wants to falalalalalalala and makes no bones about it.
Santa Baby- Kylie Minogue
Think of all the fun I’ve missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed
Next year I could be also good
If you’ll check off my Christmas list
Originally sung by Eartha Kitt in the 1953 and covered by everyone from Madonna, Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Kylie Minogue, and for some strange reason Michael Bublé too — this popular Christmas song is about a woman asking Santa for lavish gifts. A light-blue convertible, a sable coat (this was back in the day when fur was considered more of a luxury than a murderous coat), gifts from Tiffany, and yachts are some of her requests. While there are many decent covers of the song, this coquettish cover by Miss Minogue is our favourite. We don’t know about you, but if we were Santa and someone called us ‘honey’ and ‘cutie’ like that – we’d give the lady what she wants!
I Know What You Want For Christmas – Kay Martin & Her Bodyguards
I know just what you want for Christmas
But I don’t know how to wrap it, Dear
It’s something that you always wanted
You asked me for it all last year
If you are thinking about some fancy gadget or shiny golf clubs neatly wrapped in a bow – this list is not for you. Kay Martin’s 1962 hit is the naughtiest, nicest holiday song ever!
I’ll Be Your Santa, Baby – Rufus Thomas
I’ll slide down your chimney
and bring you lots of joy
what I’ve got for you momma,
it ain’t just a toy
Now, why would your significant other need a pot-bellied old man trying his best to squeeze through a chimney when you can just slide through and give them just what they want? *wink wink*
8 Days of Christmas – Destiny’s Child
On the 8th day of Christmas my baby gave to me
A pair of Chloe shades & a diamond belly ring
On the 7th day of Christmas my baby gave to me
A nice back rub and he massaged my feet
Destiny’s Child’s number is about eight days of lavish gifts from a very generous, romantic boyfriend. Sigh…
Not Tonight, Santa – Girls Aloud
Oh, oh, you give me something I could never
Get from Santa Claus, baby
Oh, oh, I’ll let you peep inside my stocking
If you show me yours
There are some gifts even Santa Claus cannot bring. It is up to you, dear significant other, to make your partner feel like a million bucks on Christmas Day.
The Mistletoe Jam (Everybody Kiss Somebody) – Luther Vandross
Glad I got big feet
‘Cause they’re so good for dancin’
Glad you got big legs
‘Cause they’re so good when we’re romancin’
The guy who came up with the idea of the kissing under the mistletoe tradition must have been quite the sneaky one. Luther Vandross and Ivan Andrew Hampden give the mistletoe tradition a big party twist with this funky holiday jam.