In high school, I went to use the restroom at a urinal, but I was having issues accessing the zipper (got caught in that little space at the bottom of zipper where it meets the jeans). I was frustrated and said out loud, “Where the hell is it??” – suddenly I realized I wasn’t alone in the restroom and a group of 3-4 classmates started laughing and thought I couldn’t find my c**k..[absolutfreon]
8. The Lonely Hero
In high school, a friend and I walked into the bathroom while another friend waited in the hall. I’m using the urinal when I hear a grunt behind me. I look back, and there’s an overweight autistic kid trying to crawl out from under a bathroom stall.
I’m assuming the door was jammed and the poor guy panicked. The issue is, he was WAY too big to fit under the door. The door was wedged between 2 stomach rolls and he wasn’t going anywhere.
Being the upstanding citizen I am, I grab this guy’s (urine soaked) hands and start pulling. When that doesn’t work, I swing the door open (sliding him across the floor in the process) and begin to slide him out sideways. After a few minutes of grunting, effort, and determination he’s finally free.
Well, just as I’m making the final pull towards freedom, my friend walks in to see what the hell is taking us so long. All he sees is me dragging some obese, autistic, piss-soaked kid across the bathroom floor. He nope’d the f**k out of there immediately. Once I thoroughly cleaned myself in the sink, I caught up with him.
Apparently, he thought I had beat up an autistic kid for some reason and so decided to get the f*ck out of there. Oh yea, that other friend who came into the bathroom with me? He had spent the whole time in the corner laughing uncontrollably about how ridiculous the situation was, unable to help me. [shade1214341]
9. The Mistaken Pervert
I was walking down a back street in suburbia smoking a cig. I heard kids playing in a yard.
“No, you jump first then I will!”
Alright, it sounds like something entertaining is about to happen, so I peak into the yard to watch these kids hurt themselves. It’s two pre-teens sitting on top of maybe a 5 foot tall playhouse, ready to jump. It’s just high enough that they’ll probably cry when they hit the ground so my expectations are high. Meanwhile I’m an adult male peering through the bushes, smoking a cigarette, with my hood up… watching kids play. One of them of spots me and starts yelling “mommy there’s a stranger watching us!”
I panic and take off. The mom calls the cops, and within minutes the whole neighborhood is up in arms searching for this pervert with 2 squad cars for backup. One of the mothers gets on the Megan’s Law page and it turns out there’s a registered sex offender living a few blocks away that nobody knew about. Suddenly everybody remembers seeing this guy lurking here and there and blah blah witch hunt. They blamed him and eventually got him evicted. I would’ve felt bad but he rented a house right in front of a school bus stop and apparently that was a no-no so fuck that guy anyway. Also I didn’t want to tell my family I was smoking, even though I was like 20 at the time. iltl32]