An office party is quite different from a wild bachelor’s night. You are expected to be on your best behaviour and drink way less than you think you can. But these office parties are wilder than you can ever dream of.
1. Sexy Santa
We bought our boss Sexy Santa lingerie as a gag gift. She tried it on in front of us and proceeded to do a strip tease dance all the while screaming out how her husband was going to love this. She’s 54. [searchingtheblue]
2. Gun + Hooker= Fired
My husband is a software engineer who works with a bunch of nerdy guys. One of them decided it would be a good idea to bring a gun and a hooker to the office Christmas party. Security escorted him in to clean out his desk the next day. [Hysterymystery]
3. Got Milk?
Went out for drinks with coworkers after service (it was a lunch focused restaurant) and by the end of the night, one of our cashiers decided to lactate on me from across the table… [ftranklin]
4. What Are Flushes For?
Work party. One guy took a sh*t in the toilet followed by grabbing the vacuum cleaner and sucking it all up.
5. Why No Promotion?
Last year’s work Christmas party. One woman (known for over drinking) over drank. She came to sit at the table I was at and proceeded to sit down… where there was no chair. Straight on her a*s. Later that night she was grinding on one of the boss’s girlfriends and apparently tried to talk the boss and his girl into a 3-way.
She is still confused why she didn’t get the promotion she was going for at the time. That would have granted her a company credit card and had her taking clients out to dinners. [SailingMan25]
6. Hey, Jared!
First Christmas party at a tech startup.
Go to the bathroom towards the end of the night. Realise mid-piss that the sounds coming from the stall next mine are the CTO and his wife going at it. Step out of the stall and the CEO and some sales guys are doing lines. CEO sees me and shouts, “Hey, it’s Jared!!” My name isn’t Jared.
He called me Jared for about 6 months after that until I pulled him aside and corrected him one day. Fun times. [runintotheforest2]
7. The Sheer Guts
GM (guy) and controller (girl) were grinding on the dance floor. GM’s wife confronts them on the dance floor in front of everyone, “Is this the wh**e you’ve been f**king?” The controller’s husband had been suspicious for a while and considered this confirmation. Both couples divorced shortly after. GM and controller are now married. [uch]
8. So Wasted
Our company Christmas party had a tequila ice luge. One of our class A drivers got so wasted he was doing flips on the dance floor and juggling Corona bottles, then he went and sat on a 19-year-old girl’s lap and her mom went ballistic. He was kicked out and proceeded to drive himself home. What a guy. [TikiTakaTimbuktu]
9. Everything Is Cool
Christmas party. Married HR woman had an orgy with 5 of the warehouse workers. All still work there, HR woman is still married. [johnwayne84]
10. Pent-Up Aggression
Coworker threw his desk chair out of a four-storey window after having a few too many. [WillConway2016]
11. La Bomba
It was at our annual awards dinner. Woman from my department showed up with a bottle of vodka in her purse. The meal was free, the booze wasn’t, and it was expensive. So people at the table where getting sodas (free) and mixing at the table. It happened every year, the venue mostly overlooked it.
Woman who brought the bottle drank quite a lot of it. I mean, probably half of it herself over the course of the evening. When the dancing started later on she was booommmmbbbbeeddd. She was wearing this strappy dress that she kept falling out of. At one point she was pulling it up, too, to show off her thong.
At some point she lost said thong and was sitting on the stage with her skirt pushed up to her hips and showing off eevverrrything. She got fired. [maybe_little_pinch]
12. Get a Room You Two!
Karaoke – Started with 2 assistants, both women, doing a ballad together.
In rapid succession, on the ‘stage’, and with plenty of drinks between the following things happened:
Those two women sing a few songs while clutching each other and giggling the entire time.
Some less than wholesome dancing together to a George Michael song.
Remaining on the ‘stage’ one of them sits in a rolling chair while the other serenades/gives a lap dance to her to Santa Baby.
At this point another woman in the office decides it’s best to throw some cold water on this party by cutting off the Karaoke and play a Christmas music CD, first song is ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’.
The two women turn this into what seems like the perfect song to sexy slow dance to, much caressing and grinding happening.
They are finally broken up once they start making out and light groping each other while trying to hide behind a Santa hat that one of them is holding up covering their faces. [b8le]