I know a marriage in turmoil when I see one. I know a relationship needing attention when I observe one. It takes two people to put the same amount of effort and energy into a marriage for it to work. It can not be left to one side to do all it takes to keep a relationship intact. They say it takes two to tango. It takes two to agree on the direction to go for the two to walk a longer distance together. Marriage is not forced on anyone but it is a culmination of two consenting adults who would have felt in their hearts that this is the direction they desire to take. Along the path, friction may come, it is bound to come because of the differences between man and woman and also the different backgrounds that the husband and wife would have come from. If people failed to adjust one to another then turmoil starts. This sometimes degenerates into people going on separation and eventually divorce. However, it is not the original intention of marriage for it to end up in divorce. It is supposed to be a permanent union of two people with a common goal.
1. No communication – Communication is a vital element of a union. It helps the two to bond and understand each other’s feelings. With no communication you can be assured that the relationship will die a natural death. Communication will help build the vision of the family. It helps the family to grow together.
2. Little or No Intimacy – Intimacy is a bonus in marriage. When there is little or no intimacy then turmoil may be brewing. I once got the advice that no matter how much you argue, always resolve the issues to avoid stopping the desire for intimacy with your partner. Nothing should separate you unless you both agree.
3. Each one does as they please – The two people joined together should never have separate agendas where one wakes up thinking of something and they go ahead to do it without the consent of the other. Action plans are synchronized and indeed communication helps in this process.
4. No accountability with finances and other issues – Accountability is pivotal in a relationship. Issues of money can bring disorder in a marriage.
5. No joy in the home – There must always be joy and happiness in a home. A home should never be like a prison where smiles and happy moments are a rare commodity.
6. Passing the bark – No taking responsibility – Whenever there is an issue in the house, the party at fault must take responsibility for their actions, ask for forgiveness and move on. Whenever blame is shifted from one to the other all the time then turmoil is on the horizon.
7. Keeping of secrets – No transparency – There are no sacred cows in marriage. What the woman has, the husband knows and vice-versa. Marriages where secrets are the order of the day do not last long.
8. Significant events not celebrated – There are important dates such as birthdays and especially the wedding anniversary. These are important dates which when ignored can cause the decay of value in a marriage.
9. Focus is placed on other issues, not the family – Sometimes one spouse can shift their focus and narrow it down to work, school and children or any such thing that takes them away from their partner. This is in direct conflict with values of a relationship where it is about sharing lives and times. Once must simply strike a balance at all times.
10. Tendency to hangout and connect with ex-girl/boyfriend – When a spouse lives in the past then he/she is double minded and should never expect their marriage to last. Commitment must be 100 percent on either side. Having other partners outside the one you have is adultery and this leads to divorce.