For many wives this is the mother of all questions. You have been good to him and have done what is expected of any partner and yet he still went out there and cheated on you. And it’s a puzzle to you. You ask yourself the question often, why do married men cheat?
- He can or at least he believes he can! Married men cheat because they can do it and get away with it. Or at least that’s what they believe. Either he believes that you will never find out or he believes that if you do, you will not do anything really drastic. As we have seen in the media this assumption does not always hold true.
- He loves the thrill! Some married men cheat because they are addicted to the high they get from chasing each new fling. For such men it’s a form of addiction and like any addict they keep seeking the periodic high. But you must not excuse him because of this, just as you would not excuse any other destructive behavior like drug addiction.
- He is a risk taker! There is a good risk and then there is bad. And this clearly is a bad risk where he actually enjoys the danger (real or imagined) of being found out. He derives joy from crossing the boundaries of acceptable behavior.
- He compartmentalizes! Some married men cheat because they feel that can partition off their emotions so there is a section for their wife and another compartment for the other woman (or women). He feels that his only job is to keep his wife’s emotional barometer higher than that of any other woman so that he does not destroy his marriage. In fact, there are men who feel that having an affair with another woman does not diminish his love for his wife as his love for his wife is different from the one for the other woman (or women) and one has nothing to do with the other.
- It’s not a big deal! A few married men cheat because in their heart of hearts they really do not believe it’s a big deal. His reasoning goes like this…he loves you and a little infidelity can’t harm his wife…can it? Some even reason that it might make the relationship better…a truly distorted thought pattern!
- He is unhappy! Some married men cheat because they are discontent with their life. This may have nothing to do with you as he may be going through a crisis that he doesn’t know how to deal with constructively. Your communication may have been inadequate for him to talk to you and so he retreats when he is overwhelmed and in his loneliness, he may find an outlet by looking for someone who can make him feel better. You could also be partially responsible for his unhappiness if you have lost interest in sex and in him.
Married men cheat for a variety of reasons and some men may do so for a combination of reasons. Some are a result of character flaws that he may need to seek professional help for while others could be dealt with by both of you working honestly together in an atmosphere of openness, with the shared aim of making your marriage as happy as it can be.