Those of us who are married, married because we loved the person and wanted to spend the rest of our lives with that person. Our plan was to live “happily ever after”. Once the honeymoon is over and daily routine sets in and later children, our reality is often not what we imagined. We discover things about our partner we did not know before. We focus on the irritants and challenges. I’m writing this to encourage you to not give up, even when you want to. Here are 7 reasons why.
1. We married this person because we loved him or her and believed we were meant for each other. That feeling can be re-captured if we choose to focus on those qualities that attracted us in the first place. Write down the qualities you like about your partner. Read them out loud. As yourself what you would miss about your partner if she or he were to leave you. It will give you a new perspective.
2. Children do not choose to be born. We chose to bring them into this world. They deserve to live in a home that is loving, peaceful and safe. They give us a very good reason to work on our relationships. They want their parents together.
3. Not all, but most problems can be solved. I promise you, 5 years from now or even a month from now when you look back at what you were fighting about, you’ll forget. It just will not seem as important.
4. There will be times your partner will bother you. There will be days when you just do not like him or her. That’s normal. These feelings pass and are often more about you than the other person.
5. Understand that a good marriage takes patience and hard work. It has to be nurtured. Commit to doing one thing every day that acknowledges the union. I promise you, it will pay off.
6. Statistics tell us that second marriages have an even greater rate of divorce than first marriages, so do not think your problems will be solved by leaving your partner and going with someone else.
7. Problems can often be solved by simply learning to communicate differently or getting used to expressing your needs or concerns. If we do not discuss our problems in a mature, respectful way, they become worse and we walk around with resentment. Resentment then leads to the distance between two partners that could have been avoided if the problem had been addressed immediately.