8 Situations Where We Need Our Parents To Understand Us

All we want is a little understanding from our parents

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Do not limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time. – Rabindra Nath tagore

With advancing times, parents are also expected to evolve their set notions and move forward. They are always supportive, our pillars of strength, but they may have fixed ideas about how certain things are done, and it may not always concur with ours’.

While they are always going to have our back, they may not always extend their support explicitly in some day-to-day situations. We can pin this down to the ‘generation gap’ that is blamed for just about every parent-child conflict.

1. When You Start Seeing Someone 

We are young, we will find someone we like, we will fall in love, we will have our heart broken. It’s a part of growing up. Our parents may be very accepting of our partners, or they may put us under lock and key.

What we want parents to do: Be worried for us, but don’t intimidate us. Talk to us about it, don’t bombard us with innumerable questions. We are new to this, we are scared too. Don’t scare us into not telling you. Give us space to make mistakes, but pull the leash when it gets out of hand. We will not always know where to draw the line. Don’t take our phones, or our internet connection away. You would rather have us conducting our relationships under your nose, rather than behind your back.

2. When You Enter The Clubbing Phase

Once we turn 18, we gradually enter a phase where all we want to do is have fun. We are introduced to the ‘clubbing scene’. The loud music, swanky beats, cool lights, and the company of friends will feel like a better alternative to spending our Saturday nights than a typical dalchawal dinner with the family. Our parents obviously may not be too comfortable with how frequently we go clubbing, or just the fact that we go clubbing at all! Our parents may not trust us with the responsibility of taking care of ourselves late into the night, in territories they are not aware of, or in the company of people they do not know too well.

What we want parents to do: Understand that this is the only time we can have fun, before we are burdened by responsibilities of being a sensible adult. Understand that this is a phase, and it’s going to fade as we grow up. This is new for us, and that’s why enjoy it. Spare us the ‘This is not our culture’ or ‘What company have you gotten yourself into?’ monologues. They are so repetitive, we mentally mouth them while you’re at it.

3. When You Don’t Score Well In A Paper

Our grades make a difference, we get it, but they are not a reflection of our capabilities. Sometimes, it’s just a test. Bringing home a C grade is pretty disappointing, even for us.

What we want parents to do: We are bogged down, even if it is temporarily. Do not yell at us and make us feel like useless twits. Do not conclude that it is the Television, or our internet connection that has resulted in our land-sliding grades. Maybe help us study better for the next one? Help us get a grip, we may not realise it sometimes. Give us time, we will bounce back.

4. When You Make The Most Abrupt Career Decision

 

There are several new career avenues for us, that weren’t there for our parents. Earlier generations believed in drawing a strict line between one’s career and one’s passion. The fact that we can now make money by doing what we love is a hallmark of our generation. Sometimes, its not even about the money, it’s about following our passion, living a dream. We understand that there are family legacies to consider, or the alternative is a more stable, a more successful career opportunity. But how do we go ahead if we don’t love what we’re doing?

What we want parents to do: You have raised us, you know us better! Understand our passion. Our priorities are not ranked out the way your’s were. Help us, it’s a scary decision for us as well. Guide us, weigh out the pros and cons, do not blindly say no because it is not a money-minting career. If your daughter wants to be a film-maker, don’t scare her out of it. If your son wants to be a chef, don’t intimidate him out of it.

5. When You Attire Is Questioned

As a community, we have been pretty reserved when it comes to the way we dress. The slightest bit of skin on show brings angry glares and clucking tongues. Trends such as cropped tops, and to some extent, ripped jeans have been dismissed because ‘That’s not the way we dress!’ Some senile politicians have even gone ahead and declared that the skirt is a legitimate cause for rape. The 2 inches of skin between the hem of our top and the button of our jeans is crass, but the 6 inches of skin between the hem of the bloused and the pleats of a sari is elegant!

What we want parents to do: Let’s reach an understanding, meet us halfway. Discuss your reservations with us, we’ll explain ourselves to you. We’re going to wear what we like, don’t bring it to a point where we have to wear 2 layers of clothes; the one on the outside being what you want us to wear, and the one on the inside being what we want to wear. Understand that unfortunate incidents happen regardless of the way we dress. Talk to us, understand where we’re coming from, we’ll open up to you. That way, you’ll know how we’re dressing, and under your watchful gaze, we’ll dress up a little more responsibly.

6. When You Come Out Of The Closet

We, as a young society, have learnt to be able to accept ourselves, our sexual preferences et al. We are now opening up about it, we openly accept it in front of peers, our friends. Our parents belong to a generation that believed in keeping the doors of the closet firmly shut. Coming out to them may not be the easiest thing in the world.

What we want parents to do: Do Not blame yourself, or your upbringing. Your child’s sexual preference does not define him/her, you have raised them to be beautiful individuals. Accept your child, save all the unneeded drama; shrinks, priests, or elderly intervention. You can’t pray the gay away.

7. When You Don’t Feel The Need To Be Religious

Religion is personal, it is very individual. We may not always follow religion with the same sincerity as our parents do.

What we want parents to do: Do not thrust it upon us. Teach us the ways of life without tagging religion to it. Give us space to find our own spirituality, it will come later. It may not come at all. But not following a faith does not make us bad individuals.

8. Why Is Everything Related To Society?

‘Keep your voice low, if people hear, what are they going to think?’
Following standards and norms set by society leave no space for ground breaking imagination; Microsoft, iOS, Facebook wouldn’t have happened to us, if their creators weren’t allowed to drop out of college.
It’s high time parents start supporting their children’s choices without worrying about societal consequences. How else are we expected to prosper in life, if we are constantly being stifled by society?

What we want parents to do: Give us space to be ourselves, not dolls that society manufactures. Put our individuality before society, allow us to make our decisions, practice our freewill. A good society is made of good individuals, let us become good individuals before we become a society!

It’s high time parents start supporting their children’s choices without worrying about societal consequences. How else are we expected to prosper in life, if we are constantly being stifled by society?

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