It’s been a week since your breakup, and you are still not over your ex. Yet, you seem to have moved on in life and are now seeing a special someone who came into your life just recently. Things seem hunky dory, but you’re not really happy.
You may have started dating someone right after a breakup because you truly fell in love, or because you were infatuated with them. Alternatively, you may have gotten into a relationship because you were feeling left out, or because you missed the feeling of being in love, or because you feel really lonely. You may have broken up several times, because it may not have felt right, or because you’re commitment-phobic.
Dating so frequently can force us to ask ourselves the question, “Am I really happy?” If you have introspected in this manner, and if the answer to the aforementioned question is no, we have some advice for you: Changing partners constantly may make you look cool and always being in a relationship might seem like a shortcut to happiness, but this is far from the truth.
“People constantly change their partners because they are seeking love and attention, which they are not getting at home or elsewhere. Nowadays, for youngsters, it has become a trend to have multiple relationships, as a result of which there are a lot of emotional breakdowns,” says Neeke Sawla, a psychologist.
“I have dated 16 girls till date. My longest relationship lasted for six months, while the shortest was for 2 days. The positives of dating so frequently is that you get to learn from each relationship; the negative is that you have to pay for your hospital bills,” says *Manoj Tiwary, 22. Manoj has even dated two cousins from the same family, simultaneously.
How did hospital bills come into the equation? “I broke up with a girl who was filthy rich. I also broke the bonnet of her BMW. She went home crying. Later, her brother broke my nose. I didn’t let him go without I fight, but I did have to pay my hospital bills,” explains Manoj.
Today’s generation’s definition of love includes everything from going on candle light dinner dates, to getting cosy by the sea, and even sharing memes with each another. But this habit of dating different people one after the other, which has also become characteristic of Gen Y’s idea of love, is hampering their self-confidence and self-respect. It also results in youngsters getting highly influenced by the person they are dating at that point of time.
Rapidly changing partners may seem advantageous, but one often wonders where to draw the line. “A constant change of partners has helped me build myself and prioritise. Previously, I never used my head or heart when in love. Today, after all these relationships, I am very happy and positive. Now, my focus is on myself and taking care of my family,” adds *Sana Sayed, 25, who has dated four guys so far.
Despite seeing the silver lining in her past, Sana does not wish to date like she did previously. “I have learnt to say no. Now, I take the time to decide who I want to be with, because this time, it’ll be for life,” adds Sana, who refused to patch up with her ex when he asked her out again.
“People who change partners on a constant basis wear their hearts on their sleeves. These people chase relationships to feel better about themselves. More than being in love with the other person, they are in ‘love’ with the idea of being in love,” explains Sheena Siddiqui, a psychologist from Mumbai.
Another reason why many modern-day relationships fail is couples’ inability to overcome ups and downs. Without realising that every relationship goes through difficulties, couples lose hope and break up. They think of the next relationship as the solution, instead of being mature and solving the issues of the last relationship. This tendency to jump into the next relationship can cause real trouble. Sheena adds, “If one person has a chain of “unsuccessful” relationships which they tried to work on, then yes, it can lead to loneliness.”
But the downside of being a “player” or a “casanova” doesn’t end there. Sunita Kanojia, a psychologist, has a stern warning for people who change partners frequently. She states, “A change of partners constantly is not healthy at all. The individual is at the risk of contracting sexual disease and even hindering his/her confidence. They come to a point in life where there can’t even trust their own self. This hinders their overall growth as an individual, and makes them unsuccessful at relationships.”
Ironically, being in consecutive relationships can lead to more unhappy relationships. If you have faced a similar issue in the past or are confused, tell us your story at [email protected]