For those of you who are dating newly divorced men, the word “dating” may be a bit of a stretch. You might replace that word with comforting, consoling, encouraging, sexually satisfying and then eventually, leaving. In fact, many would offer this advice to those of you out there who are dating these recently found single men. . .run, don’t walk away. Here’s why.
First of all, it’s often the case that a newly divorced man hasn’t been intimate with a woman for quite a while. This can turn you into someone who will make up for all of that lack of attention. This could be good. . but most of the time, it stops there. The thought of actually having a conversation with you might be a bit too much for him.
Here are just some of the things that you’ll come to notice when dating newly divorced men: anger towards women, sexual repression, unvented pain, low self-esteem and loneliness. Women and men behave much differently after a divorce. While women take the time (months or even years) to analyze what went wrong and how to avoid it, men usually jump right back out there. . .and they come out swinging.
Most newly divorced men don’t take the time to heal before they start dating again. . .with disastrous results. Here are some tips for men who have recently ended their marriage. No matter what the situation in a relationship, it takes two to tango. Stay at home for a while and think about what part you played in the failed relationship. You don’t need to dwell on it too much but it helps to identify the problem (problems) so you can recognize and avoid them again.
If you have some other male friends that you can trust and talk to about his feelings, this is a great outlet. For you women, this also means that you need to give a newly divorced man some time to be with his pals or alone. If he clearly feels the pain and is letting it show, that’s fine too. Let him do that for a while. If he pretends that nothing is wrong and he’s over it, then you may have even more of a problem.
While it’s good for newly divorced men to get your self-esteem back up to par, all of the superficial acts like getting a new hairstyle or a new wardrobe won’t do much internally.
Instead, take a break. Take a vacation if you can. Take the time to heal yourself and allow yourself to feel sad. Don’t try to hide the pain. Let it come out and learn from it.
If you can take the time to heal, you’ll be able to move on and eventually have a healthy relationship. For those of you dating newly divorced men, give them the time they need.