How to Destroy Your Marriage

Marriage getting on your nerves? Here’s how to purge it

Blown out of your wits thinking about ways to destroy your marriage? Not sure on where you’re going wrong? Or perhaps you’re just tired of trying to wriggle free of your annoyingly secure, ridiculously happy marriage. Here’s a few ways to help you ruin your marriage.

Focus on Looks, Wealth, and Success

Look at your partner, and realise that he/she is really not that good-looking. Then calculate how much money they bring home. Finally, Google them and realise that nothing shows on the results page except maybe their Facebook profile. Make an issue out of these things, and keep bringing them up over the dinner table every single night, ideally just when they come back home after a hard day at work.

Never Let Go of Your Ego. It’s Your Most Dreadful Weapon

A sure-shot way of destroying your marriage is putting yourself at the centre of things, elevating yourself above all else, and making it clear that you are the more important person in the relationship. Never, ever let go of your ego. Otherwise you’ll be stuck with the love of your life forever.

Whatever Happens, Do Not Befriend Your Partner

Avoid companionship with your partner like the plague. Don’t be friendly. In order to destroy your marriage, you have to be sure to not be there for your partner when they need you.

Laugh at What They Like

They like reading? Here’s a joke right there – who reads these days? They care about the environment? Even the President of the US doesn’t care about it. Don’t respect their likes and dislikes one bit. Make fun of them, mock them every other day, and you’re good to go.

Ask Them to Adjust and Compromise

Make sure that they are the only ones who make all the sacrifices, the compromises, and the adjustments in the relationship. Ensure that they begin to suffocate by all the sacrifices they have to make.

Migrate into Their Space

Live in their space.