Your partner has been acting strange almost scary. You have jokingly told family and friends, she or he is crazy, but you know his or her behavior is really no laughing matter. You question whether you want to continue a relationship with your partner, but you don’t want to have to deal with the hell your partner will most likely cause if you two should break up. So what do you do? You seek the help you need, even if it means filing for a restraining order at the local police station, and get out of the relationship if any or all of the following signs you have witnessed.
Don’t be deceived, there are women in this world who can be just as violent as men; however, statistics of domestic violence occurring by women to men aren’t high and when men aren’t calling the police, abusive women are overlooked.
When women become abusive they are usually described as crazy or mental, but abusive is not usually a word that is associated with their behavior. A man who feels that his girlfriend may be acting in ways that are emotionally and physically harmful will have to make up in his mind to leave the relationship just like a woman in the same situation. Here’s what you need to know to determine whether you have a relationship with a woman or man that is potentially abusive.
Is your partner someone who is jealous and possessive toward you, won’t let you have friends, checks up on you, and will not accept breaking up?
Calls you names, insults you or puts you down.
Destroys your property.
Does she or he tries to control you by being very bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, doesn’t take your opinion seriously? Does your partner also show this belittling kind of behavior in the public without remorse?
Is he or she scary? Do you worry about how this person will react to things you say or do?
Does he or she threaten you, use or own weapons?
Is your partner violent? Does she or he have a history of fighting, losing his or her temper, brag about mistreating others? For instance, when she handles conflict there is always drama, “I pulled over the car, got out and kicked her a*#! No one messes with me or my man!”
Pressures you for sex, is forceful or scary about sex? Thinks that women or men are sex objects, attempts to manipulate or guilt-trip you by saying, “If you really loved me, you would…” or gets too serious about the relationship too fast? Some of his or her ideas for lovemaking are so strange that you would be embarrassed to tell a friend.
Does your partner abuse drugs or alcohol and pressures you to take them? For example, when he or she isn’t just drinking socially, your partner is getting drunk and he or she isn’t just using recreational drugs on holidays, but every day is a holiday.
Does your partner blame you when you are mistreated? Says you provoked it? For instance, he or she purposely does something to cause you to become ill or harmed; then tells you that he or she wouldn’t have to do these things if you would just treat him or her right.
Your partner has a history of bad relationships and blames the other person for all the problems. He or she talks about her ex-boyfriends or girlfriends and the negative things they did to him or her, but never shares information about where he or she went wrong in the relationship.
He believes that men should be in control and powerful and that women should be passive and submissive. She may feel that women should be in control and that men should be told what to do. Your partner may have felt powerless growing up. He or she may have witnessed her father mistreat her mother. She may have been abused by a past boyfriend. These may be reasons why your partner feels this way.
Your partner has grabbed, hit, pushed, choked, kicked or physically abused you.
He or he makes your family and friends concerned about your safety. They don’t want him or her to come around them either.
Threatens to kill his or herself.
When your partner feels guilty for what he or she has done, he or she tries to make up with you by dressing seductively, having sex, buying you gifts, cooking, helping you with chores or errands.
Once you have determined that you have a “crazy” girlfriend or an abusive boyfriend and you are ready to break up, here’s what you need to do:
Notify a friend or family member of your intentions to break up with her. This way if something should happen to you, your friend or family member will be able to tell the police.
If you live with him or her, pack up your essentials gradually remove them from the house.
Don’t have any confrontation with him or her without a witness. If not, he or she can easily set you up, by harming his or herself, then blaming you when the police arrive.
Avoid telling your partner where you will be living.
File for a restraining order or Protection From Abuse (PFA) not only at your local police station where you and your partner have lived, but where you will be moving too.
Leave a photo of him or her wherever you work or spend time and tell the security officers at your employment (if you have any) about your situation and if they see him or her on the property to notify the police. You can also provide them with a copy of your restraining order.
Crazy girlfriends and abusive boyfriends exist because of situations beyond anyone’s control. They haven’t quite made up in their minds to get the help they need for out of control behavior. They feel like the reason they are acting the way they are is because no one understands them, they don’t feel loved or some other reason. The truth is that they have repressed issues that only a professional can help them work through and even with the counseling there is no guarantee they will ever get well! When you are in a relationship such as the one described above, you will have to be strong and leave them, despite how much you feel you love this person. No one is worth losing your freedom or life over, no one! It’s unfortunate but too many people stay together thinking that the other will change, but rarely does that ever happen and usually the only way a person in a situation such as this will accept things will not work is if they are beaten bad enough that someone finally pities them enough to finally call the police. Don’t let it be you!