Interpersonal Kung Fu (How to Deal With People Who Suck)

Assertiveness is a valuable skill and a state of being and doing


So much of our lives we are around others under a wide range of circumstances and in different environments. Learning how to function socially is an important part of our development as human beings, but not everyone is playing fair or nice.

For better or worse we encounter a variety of people and personalities during our daily lives. How we communicate and the outcomes of our interactions can help us to grow- or shrink. Because we obviously want to grow, it’s important to start recognizing the things that make us feel good and expand, and to also recognize the things that make us want to crawl inside ourselves and get away.

Communication always has a purpose, whether the purpose is consciously known or unknown. Understanding the why’s and the how’s communicating will deepen our understanding of our everyday reality.

On a certain level, we are made to influence each others’ thoughts and actions. We’re made to give and take instructions, guidance, and leadership. We can work excellently alone and work excellently as a team, as we are interconnected beings. We are designed and inclined to listen to others around us. For instance, if someone falls down and yells “help” we almost instinctively rush to give care to that person even without thinking about it.

This is quite the thing that leaves us wide open to those who intend to control us or do us harm. Examples of the usual suspects: the guy on the street begging for money, but who car is parked down the road. The dishonest salesman who is selling a piece-of-junk product or rip-off service. The jerk egotist who tries to control all the people around him or her or attack those whom they find warming.

When we encounter those who either are or seem intent to cause us harm, we have to remain focused on the process which is unfolding, deal with ourselves and our emotional response, claim and assert our universal right to be free from the manipulation of others, And then let go of any outlet which we expect to receive. Just be.

Assertiveness is a valuable skill and a state of being and doing. One of the first steps of assertive behavior is learning to disagree and to say “no”. Fortunately, assertiveness can be learned and achieved by everyone. It all starts with one single assertive behavior and builds from that. The goal is to work on having a winning record. Just do it!

Focus and concentration enable us to remain strong and composed during stressful events, in charge of our actions and reactions. It empowers us to be calm, to use the more advanced areas of our brains, and to find a solution at the moment. Meditation, exercise, and deep breathing are a just a few examples of things we can do to improve concentration.

Self-love. We have to love ourselves more than the person who wishes to take advantage of us. We have to love what we stand for. We have to love life itself.

Finally we must know that there is no loss. We live, we learn, we grow. We succeed.

Source by Patrick Warren