They say that marriage is a 50-50 partnership but you know better than that. It’s rare for a couple to divide everything, including time and attention right down the middle. In many marriages, there is an imbalance when it comes to the attention and affection being shared. If you feel that your wife isn’t living up to her end of that bargain it can quickly lead to resentment and conflict. When your wife never makes time for you, it’s easy to understand why you’d become bitter and angry with her. You’re bound to feel tossed aside and you naturally assume that you matter much less to her than she does to you. You’re right to feel all of these things and you shouldn’t allow anyone to persuade you otherwise. When a man stops caring about the way his wife is treating him, he’s essentially checking out of the marriage and that’s obviously not something you want to do.
Have a Discussion with Your Spouse About the State of Your Marriage
Communication is the obvious cornerstone of a healthy and thriving marriage. Many couples mistakenly think they have great communication between them when they regularly talk about their mutual issues including finances and the children. Those are the necessities of life and it would be hard to have a productive family and household environment if you ignored those issues. However, it’s important that you both delve deeper into the heart of your marriage. Getting to a place where you both feel comfortable talking about all of that can take time and effort but the end reward is well worth it.
To begin, start by asking your wife when a good time to talk would be. You don’t want to spring an emotional discussion on her when she’s in the middle of sorting through a family problem or when she’s feeling exhausted from a long and stressful day. Instead, ask her if there might be a time within the next week when she could devote her attention to you. Explain that you miss talking with her and you feel it’s important that you two take stock of where your connection is. If she senses your effort to have a discussion with her is coming from a genuine and calm place, she’ll be eager to have that talk.
Take on Some Extra Work Around the House to Free Up Her Time
Many wives aren’t giving their husband the time and attention he deserves because of logistics, not emotions. Does your wife devote herself almost entirely to the pursuit of her own career, your children and keeping your home and household running orderly? If she does, it’s quite possible that her schedule is already so full that she doesn’t have time to devote exclusively to you. This is a harsh reality in many marriages but unfortunately, it’s also a fact of life.
If your wife has carried the brunt of the household chores and responsibilities on her shoulders, take on some yourself. You don’t have to position yourself as the hero while you’re doing that, but more as the caring husband and compassionate father. Something as simple as cooking a family dinner once or twice a week can make an enormous difference in your wife’s life. The same is true if you can rearrange your own schedule so you can be the one to chauffeur the kids to soccer practice or their piano recital. Anything you can do to lighten her workload will not only give her more time to focus on your marriage but it will make her feel appreciated by you as well.
Plan Activities That You Two Can Enjoy Together
You two used to date. Of course, that changed when you became co-parents but now is the perfect time to shift your relationship back into one where the two of you seek out your own adventures with each other. Someone has to take the lead when it comes to changing the dynamic of your marriage and there is no better candidate than you. Think about the things that your wife absolutely loves to do and then plan outings that involve those things that you both can have fun with. A wonderful by-product of that is that the two of you will reconnect in the process.
It’s often hard to plan ahead when you’re juggling a full work schedule along with children, but you really need to start viewing this time with your wife as a priority. Arrange childcare so that your wife can’t tell you that she’ can’t go because there isn’t a sitter available. You may even want to venture out for an entire night. If that’s the case, consider trading childcare with another married couple. You take their kids for a night in exchange for them watching over yours.
Your outing doesn’t have to be extravagant. It can be something as simple as an ice cream down at a park that you two used to frequent when you were first married. Or maybe you can go to the movies once a month. If you opt for that choice, let your wife pick the film.
The key to this is to make time for one another. Even if you feel now that your wife will push against the idea of dating again, plan for it. You may be pleasantly surprised to learn that she’s been waiting all along for her prince charming to reappear and sweep her off her feet. A good solid, committed and caring marriage takes effort. Be the one to put in that effort and you’ll likely see a noticeable difference in your wife’s attitude very quickly.