How does a marriage survive after an affair? No marriage is absolutely perfect every single day of every single year. Each will have its wonderful days that will be remembered again and again. Unfortunately, many will also have bad days. It is natural for couples to have disagreements and it is also inevitable that occasionally you will do something that will upset your partner.
But when you love someone, you work through your problems, put your differences aside and forgive each other the little things, but statistics show that more than half of all married couples will also suffer through an affair.
For the majority of couples, this is the deal breaker. This is the one thing that will, without a doubt, end their marriage.
There is however, a small percentage who will decide that they want to try to work through this devastating act. They want their marriage to survive an affair.
“I just wish things could go back to the way they use to be.”
This is a sentence you have probably said a thousand times since you found out your partner has had an affair.
“Things use to be so perfect.”
Before you can begin to rebuild your marriage you will have to face the harsh realization that it was because of the way things were before the affair that your partner made the decision to cheat.
That does not mean that it was your fault, the blame lies solely at the feet of the cheater. But there would have been times in your marriage when you as a couple were standing at a fork in the road and have chosen the wrong road to take, probably several times, to get to where you are today.
There is one key ingredient that is imperative in a relationship if there is going to be any hope that it will recover from an affair.
And that ingredient is Love.
You can’t “think” you still love them, or “I do love you, but….” It has to be total, 100% love. Love is the foundation.
Your marriage is in such a state it can be compared to a train wreck. Without love, it is always going to be that way. Everything else can be fixed with a whole lot of hard work and total commitment from both and your partner. But if you can’t both still love each other, save yourself a whole lot of heartache and walk away right now.
It may be hard to believe in the early days and weeks after an affair, that the feelings of pain and betrayal that haunt you daily will diminish over time. They may never totally disappear from your memory, but you will find a way to live with them.
Counseling can be extremely beneficial to helping you find some answers and to talk openly without yelling and blaming each other. Couples who are able to work through an affair can become much closer and more passionate and committed to each other but these things take time.