I had not been married for more than two years when my husband left me. I admit that I hadn`t spoken to him for almost three days and I still remember the reason why – and it wasn`t even important. Stupid! Especially when I`m always saying how important good communication is!! How on earth could I save my marriage when things were so awful?
It was a terrible time in my life and one I don`t want to repeat, so if you`re in the same situation, I`m very sorry – but you know, you can turn things around and save your marriage too.
At first, my husband wouldn`t even answer my calls and told me that he`d made a mistake in marrying me.
Luckily I took advice from a good friend. I say luckily because all my attempts at a reconciliation were making things worse.
These are the steps I took to save my marriage:
1. I wrote him a letter in which I apologised and told him that I loved him and would respect his decision, whatever it may be.
2. This was a tough one for me, but it was important that I gave him the time and space to think through his feelings – once he`d calmed down. We all say and do things in the heat of the moment and by constantly pestering him, I wasn`t giving him the time to get his emotions sorted out. I hoped that he would realise how much he missed me and decide that our marriage was worth saving. And I was totally DESPERATE to save my marriage.
3. After a couple of weeks I called him to say that I wanted to arrange for his belongings to be collected. This of course wasn`t true, my aim was to remind him what it used to be like between us and so I kept the conversation short and chatty. There was no mention of the split, we laughed about silly things and ended with a friendly parting.
Once we had been able to talk like this, my husband was able to remember what brought us together in the first place. Making jokes and keeping the conversation light, took any pressure off him and allowed him to relax and enjoy speaking with me.
I would have waited for around a week before calling him again, but a couple of days later he contacted me and again we chatted and laughed like old friends. Which of course is what we were. When we have someone special in our lives, it is so easy to take them for granted and expect them to put up with our bad moods and other failings. But then we sometimes forget why we loved them in the first place. So, Iit was up to me to remind him!
4. After a few conversations where we had kept the mood friendly, I began to drop in a few flirtatious comments here and there and complimented him on things that he did particularly well. He loved it and was clearly flattered.
Because I had not mentioned, begged or pleaded (which I wanted to do) for him to come back to me, I had piqued his interest and taken away any pressure that he may have felt
5. When I felt the time was right, I invited himover for a chat – and he accepted. I made sure that I gave him my full attention and laughed and flirted that whole time. Making sure he felt totally relaxed.
And that`s how to save your marriage.
It was not easy following these steps, because I just wanted him to come back to me, but the strategy worked. He returned to me within a month and after coming so close to losing each other – we never take our marriage for granted and today we are happier than ever.