The Dumbest Calls Cops Have Had to Respond To

It doesn’t get stupider than this

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When cops are not busy fighting crime and keeping us safe from harm, they are responding to silly emergencies such as these. Police officers of Reddit list out the dumbest calls they’ve had to respond to.

1. The Concerned Citizen

A citizen was concerned about an albino squirrel in the park (afraid someone would hurt it or mess with it, I suppose). Wanted me to capture it and relocate it someplace safer. [AnnaB264]


Medical emergency, kid had gotten his finger stuck in a wiffle ball.

Another medical emergency, woman had taken three ibuprofen and wasn’t sure what would happen. [cknight18]

3. Spider Patrol

I was base police for a large naval station, a lady called 911 because there was a spider in her garage.

We went out to tell her not to abuse 911, and she replied, “Well do you have anything more important to do?”

My partner and I just signed, and ended up relocating said spider outside. [LaserSailor760]

4. Domestic Disturbance

Retired police officer here. I once got sent to a “domestic” (a fight between people living together). When I arrived, a man is standing on the sidewalk in front of a two story house, alone, calm, and sober. Alone, calm, and sober is as rare as a unicorn when domestics are involved. From the upstairs window, I can hear a very pissed off, drunk woman calling us both every name in the book. He tells me that they just broke up yesterday and he came over to get his TV when she went nuts. A half second after those words left his mouth, I hear “you want your (effen) TV (insult)?”. “Here’s your (effen) TV!!! Right then, a 1980s 27” CRT TV comes flying out of the window and smashes all over the sidewalk. [vpastabender]

5. The Horror!

Domestic dispute call – We got there and the mother of a teenage boy, maybe fourteen, is loud and upset. Her problem was described as, “He’s interested in GIRLS!” Oddly enough, it happens around that age. Not a thing I could do about that one. [IanRG]

6. A Robbery!

A stolen TV remote.

FYI, it wasn’t stolen just fell between the couch cushions. [rockyburnett5]

7. Problem Solved

Tecnically I didn’t respond, but:

911 hang up. Upon recall a small child answered and advised there was a spider in his house.

Officer that responded advised over the radio, “The intruder has been neutralized.” [r_kay]

8. Enough is Enough!

A domestic abuse call, guy playing GTA 5 was severely pissed his wife wouldn’t stop chasing him down and killing him IN GAME. His wife was bigger than him or I’m sure it would have been the real deal. [TheNotoriousBJ]

9. The Dangerous Goose

Not a cop but ex animal control. An aggressive goose at a city park that was chasing people and biting them on the butt. So literally a goose trying to goose people. [MorganGoddamnFreeman]

10. Vandalism

Not a cop but work for the police dept. Got a call from a man that someone vandalized his snowman. [jwagg82]