A married life starts with mutual respect and love, but may end up with mutual hatred, followed by a divorce. 50% of first marriages end in divorce, in developed countries. Developing countries are fast catching up the divorce rate in Western world. Domestic ego clashes affect harmony and peace between spouses. The divorces and broken homes is a bigger problem for humanity than religious violence or ethnic violence. There is no organized, proactive educational curriculum in schools on these issues. These issues are alive since time immemorial and may continue for ever. It is a challenge for humanity.
From mutual love and respect to mutual hatred
When first love or infatuation – based on sensuous attractions – begins to peel off,
There is dichotomy in the minds of spouses.
The spouses doubt their sanity and question themselves, “Did I really fall in love with this eccentric and erratic person?”.
When imperfect beings fall in love, more often than not, the love gets stale after couple of years.
Love between human beings is always conditional and possessive.
It is ego-centric love.
A true love is: ‘I love you enough to let you be happy in your own way’.
Only Godly love is permanent, as it never goes stale, due to excessive familiarity, which breeds refused between spouses.
When the egos clash:
Mutual respects vanishes,
Mutual love evaporates,
And mutual hatred creeps in.
The spouses criticize every action and thought of each other.
They find nothing right in the other spouse.
There is no spirit of sacrifice or tolerance towards each other.
She: ‘He was a simpleton, homely guy. Why is he behaving erratic now? ‘
He: ‘She was a charming, innocent beauty, when I fell in love with her.
Why this perpetual nagging? ‘
She: ‘His family members were decent people by any yardstick.
Then why do they insist on poking their nose in our family affairs? ‘
He: ‘Her family members were pleasant, and warm people.
But now, they are cold towards me – no longer hospitable and smiling. ‘
Almost all spouses regret their decision to marry, their choice, sometimes or the other.
Each spouse asks, “Am I an emotional, fool, who could not judge objectively?”.
The spouses could thank each other for the sweet memories of their good old days.
But they prefer retaliation – a tit for tat approach, a draconian ritual of medieval history.
The spouses these days believe in conditional and possessive love.
Only God loves us unconditionally.
There are three types of violence:
Religious violence, ethnic violence, and last but not the least, spouses’ ego clashes.
Mini politics rules the spouses’ life all over
We yearn for peace in Ukraine!
There are ‘mini-Ukraines’ in every family, in our world.
Even if politicians sort out political violence, all over the world, humanity would be no where near its ultimate goal – harmony in life for all.
The household dissonance has to be addressed.
It affects every life on this earth.
There is no attempt to understand the root cause of religious violence.
There is intra-religion violence.
There is inter-religion violence.
Unbelievably, there is violence even by Buddhists, who follow Buddhism the religion of peace.
They are ill treating Muslims in Sri Lanka and Myanmar.
There is no compulsory, organized, comparative study of religions in schools and colleges.
We all need to do a comparative study of all religions to ascertain what is common in all religions.
We know the differences, in beliefs and rituals in different religions.
We believe in the correctness of our religion or sub-sect, which is exploited by militants.
We are not satisfied if we are right ourselves.
We are more satisfied in life, if we can prove others wrong, and convert them to our way of life.
This is the beginning of religious violence.
There is lot more common in all religions, especially the behavior part.
Unfortunately rituals and beliefs get more importance, than behavior, in all religions.
Whatever religion we follow is our private affair, but its study is no longer a private affair, more so in view of religious violence across the world.
There is violence due to nationalism.
Russians in Ukraine!
There is tribal violence in developing countries; each tribe believes in its supremacy.
Patriotism teachers us our country, our nation is best, because we are born in it.
Patriotism needs to be redefined.
All such violence – religious violence and ethnic violence – affects a small fraction of humanity.
Intolerance between spouses
It affects every home in the world.
There is no organized learning within the class rooms, for growing children,
They grow, and get married.
As a result, 50% of first time marriages end up in divorce.
There is no proactive action by society to take preventive educational measures.
We react, and we try to resolve the issue after the split or when divorce is in an advance stage.
Let’s impart formal training in schools and colleges on ‘how to tackle whatever goes wrong in married life’.
Let’s create simulators with problem situations.
We can analyze case-studies, or learn through TV soaps.
A world, where humanity has fewer divorces will be a safer, peaceful and better place for us.
Let this dream be a reality for our children.