You recently discovered your husband has had an affair and you’re not only hurt but furious. You can not help but think about it constantly and as you do your anger and sense of betrayal build. The pain is still so sharp that when you see him, your anger boils over and you appeal.
As mad as you are with him, when you are alone you think of the years you’ve been married and the experiences you’ve shared while building a family. You still feel your marriage may be worth saving but you are not sure how to proceed.
All the trust you have in him has been destroyed. You think you want to save the marriage but how can you ever rebuild trust in him? However, you realize that if you can not find a way to trust him again that the marriage really will be over.
Rebuilding your trust is possible but it will take some work. We would like to feel that we have a permanent bond of trust in our relationship that no one can take away. To begin that type of trust, you both must actively cooperate to build a link of transparent communication with each other.
It’s impossible to have an intimate and trusting relationship if your spouse constantly lies to you. Your marriage will not survive if the lies do not cease, and this will take an active commitment from you both. Lies are a way to avoid frank and open communication. To rebuild trust will not only require effort from you both, it will take some time before you feel safe in letting your guard down again.
Transparency demonstrates a spouse is trying to be honest. It is one of the most important things a cheating spouse can do to rebuild the foundation of trust in a marriage. If you both work at transparency in your communication and actions, you stand a much better chance to rebuild trust and get beyond the affair.
Open and honest communication is very important but at the same time do not try to pry too far into details about the affair which may only end up hurting you more. Transparency can heal your marriage but use it just to be vindictive or voyeuristic and it could backfire.
Be open and honest about your feelings and actions. While building trust your spouse should always let you know when he may have to work late or have an unexpected appointment. This keeps any unnecessary doubts and causing worry. Sharing your plans also shows respect for your spouse.