Used to work in an adult and pediatric ED as a scribe (I followed a doctor, NP or PA and wrote their charts).
One time a patient came in for “Vaginal Injury” so the PA I’m assigned to, who is my father’s age, says ah, that’ll be interesting, and we go in.
The lady is very friendly, bubbly, overweight and with long, fake nails. He asks her what brings her to the ED, and she says “Well, you see, I just got my nails done. And I, I was pleasuring myself and really going to town down there, and it felt really good… And I scratched my cooter!”
She laughed awkwardly and I couldn’t handle myself and had to leave. “I scratched my cooter!” Became a response to “What’s up?” For a bit. [BRAINFARTISMOBILE]
11. Are You Retarded?
We went to a house for a mentally handicapped female who had fallen and couldn’t get up. I should mention that this female lives with her husband who is also mentally handicapped and they have a caretaker who checks in on them daily but doesn’t hang around 24/7.
Anyway we get her sat up and my Dad asks his other medic to run out to the ambulance to grab an extra cold compress to put on her head where she fell but she says that there is an ice pack in her freezer that will work just fine in the next room. Well the other medic goes into the other room and looks for about two minutes before coming back with a bag of frozen vegetables that would work as well.
The mentally handicapped lady looks him straight in the face and says, “That’s not a cold pack those are vegetables. Are you retarded?” [PearlDrummer]