When You REALLY Shouldn’t Have Laughed But You Couldn’t Help It

Police officers, firefighters and EMTs deal with a lot of emergency situations. In the middle of saving people’s lives they come across some weird characters and can’t help but let out a chuckle. What else is one supposed to do when a giggling woman yells out, “I scratched my cooter!”?  Here are some instances where they let out a few laughs when they really shouldn’t have:


I was a volunteer at a hospital and I laughed when this really snobby fat women got stuck in a wheelchair. She stood up and it was stuck on her ass and she was just bent over and was yelling at people. In my defense it was because another patient said loudly “AUTOBOTS ROLLOUT!” when she shuffled into her room. [suitology]

2. An Introduction to the Deceased

Responded to a fatal fire. When I arrived on scene and went to where the body was located. The trooper introduced me to the deceased.

Trooper: oh (my name) where are my manners. Meet frank (deceased) say hello frank Frank: … Trooper: as you can see he had a late night of drinking and a bad case of setting himself on fire.

Laughing in front of a dead guy who set himself on fire is not one of my strong moments. [that_guy_u_met_once]

3. Meatballs

I had a patient high on some type of LSD/PCP combo… we found him jumping from couch to couch in a lobby covered in freshly cut hair that wasn’t his. We finally get him to the ambulance when he proceeds to scream at my partner, “you have beautiful eyes, IM GONNA F*CK YOU IN THE *SS.” And then begins to cry for his mother. We make it to the hospital and the pt’s vocabulary decreases to only, “meatballs”. Every question the nurse asked, that was his response. We try to remain professional as possible, but sometimes you can’t help but laugh… [iliketurtles1294]

4. The Substantial Bosom

During my EMT-basic clinical rotations, my buddy Greg and I are working in an Emergency Room trying to do as many ECG’s as possible so that we could check that off our list of clinical skills that we needed to do.

Greg is hooking up an absolutely enormous woman to ECG leads. To accomplish this, he indicates to her that he will have to move her left breast to gain access to her chest wall. I’m not exaggerating when I say that she weighed 400 pounds. Her left breast probably weighed a solid 40 pounds by itself.

So Greg, using the back of his forearm, is pushing aside her left breast… or trying to… and failing. So he’s basically rubbing her left breast with his forearm, trying to get it out of the way. His face is about 12 inches from her face.

She leans close to Greg, moans, and says: “You a titty man, aint’cha?” aaaaaand I had to leave. [moocow2024]

5. Don’t Mess With Cats

One of my friends was an EMT and he responded to a call from a guy who got attacked by his cat. Turns out the guy tried to f*ck his cat and the cat wasn’t having any of it.

My friend said that was the only time he and his partner laughed in front of a patient. [MrMeeeseeks]

6. Where’s the Glitter?

I admitted a patient to the surgical floor who had a baton stuck in his colon. When getting report i couldn’t help but chuckle. It was the first time i dealt with someone who had a foreign object where it shouldn’t have been. The worst part was when i showed him the intra operative pictures of them removing it he asked the surgeon where the glitter went. [bigmanrockin]

7. Hello, Meow

I was an EMT. We responded to a call at a nursing home for a psychological. Get the info from the nurse that the dear little old lady is apparently hallucinating cats…

I walked into the patient’s room and asked. “Meow what seems to be the problem here?” My partner and the nurse ran from the room. I found them literally on the floor laughing in the hallway. [IrishMedicNJ]

8. “I Accidentally Hit it With His Thrown Boxers

I answered a fire alarm at a hotel room once. I knock on the door and a rail thin (90lb) woman answered the door in nothing but a T-shirt. Tell her that we need to have access to the hotel room just to verify that there wasn’t an issue. I walk in and immediately see a 300+ mid 50’s guy (the woman was in her 30’s) totally naked, handcuffed to the bed. Alright, whatever. Standard question “do you know how the alarm was set off?”

“Oh yeah, I accidently hit it with his thrown boxers”

“Alright ma’am have nice night”

Queue hilarious laughter from stairwell back to the firehouse. [Stebraul]

9. Uh.. Waffles?

Back in my Army days we were in the process of doing an 18 mile ruck march. It’s pretty hot out. All of a sudden one of my squad members collapse to the ground.

The medics rush to him and start sticking an IV in his arm while asking him questions. “Do you know where you are? Do you know what month it is? Do you know what day of the week it is?”

He looks up confused, “Uhh… waffles?”

“No, you f*cking retard! Lets get him out of here.” [BagOfBoots]

10. I Scratched My Cooter

Used to work in an adult and pediatric ED as a scribe (I followed a doctor, NP or PA and wrote their charts).

One time a patient came in for “Vaginal Injury” so the PA I’m assigned to, who is my father’s age, says ah, that’ll be interesting, and we go in.

The lady is very friendly, bubbly, overweight and with long, fake nails. He asks her what brings her to the ED, and she says “Well, you see, I just got my nails done. And I, I was pleasuring myself and really going to town down there, and it felt really good… And I scratched my cooter!”

She laughed awkwardly and I couldn’t handle myself and had to leave. “I scratched my cooter!” Became a response to “What’s up?” For a bit. [BRAINFARTISMOBILE]

11. Are You Retarded?

We went to a house for a mentally handicapped female who had fallen and couldn’t get up. I should mention that this female lives with her husband who is also mentally handicapped and they have a caretaker who checks in on them daily but doesn’t hang around 24/7.
Anyway we get her sat up and my Dad asks his other medic to run out to the ambulance to grab an extra cold compress to put on her head where she fell but she says that there is an ice pack in her freezer that will work just fine in the next room. Well the other medic goes into the other room and looks for about two minutes before coming back with a bag of frozen vegetables that would work as well.
The mentally handicapped lady looks him straight in the face and says, “That’s not a cold pack those are vegetables. Are you retarded?” [PearlDrummer]


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