While You Were Sleeping (Or We Thought So)

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If you’ve ever pretended to be asleep (for whatever reason) you must have been privy to some interesting conversations. Sometimes the people around you, have no idea you’ve been faking it and let go off some interesting and sometimes scary stuff. Redditors list out some interesting stuff they’ve overheard while pretending to be asleep.


1. Girlfriend’s Confession

I was dozing off in my bed with my girlfriend at the time when I heard her confess her love for me. She was pretty hammered, but she went into intricate detail about how she feels respected, enjoys the sex, and sees a serious future with me.

The next morning I got yelled at for not cuddling and that it was a major issue. I don’t think she even knew of her confession. [ClasslessHero]


2. Is it Easy to Smother Someone to Death?

Night after drinking with friends I wasn’t really pretending more trying to keep the my head from spinning. I overhear my buddy say to my other friend say I wonder how easy it is to smother someone to death. [ajaski]


3. Is He Circumcised?

At a sleepover, “do you think he’s circumcised or not?” [Capt-America]


4. Oh Sh*t

A loud fart followed by “oh shit”. And then some shuffling sounds.. [being_inappropriate]


5. I’m Going to Set You on Fire

A French girl I met in a hostel came in to where I was sleeping and just sat there. I had just cut it off with her so I didn’t want to deal with her shit so I pretended to be asleep for a few minutes. She just mumbled random shit, she was pretty drunk. Finally what got me up was when, in the cutest french accent, she told me she was going to set me on fire in my sleep.

I should have mentioned that, yes, I did sleep with her again after that. Sometimes you gotta do messed up sh*t to stay not on fire. [dukefan5656]


6. Parents Talking Dirty

My parents talking dirty while they were doing it. I was 6-8 around that time. Worst part is they saw they had woken me up and I had to pretend to sleep AGAIN!! [reddit_guy666]


7. Who Should I Cheat on With?

I was drunk at a party and couldn’t fathom the world so I lay down, closed my eyes in a dark room. I heard two of my friends come in, one came over to me and poked me in the ribs then said “It’s fine, he’s asleep.” then proceed to talk about how both of them were cheating on their boyfriends and who at the party they wanted to fuck. [System0falem0n]


8. You Can’t Fool Your Mother

When I was a kid my mom would make my brother and me take naps for like 45 minutes. I pretended like I was sleeping, and I heard my mom talking on the phone to my grandma. During the conversation I assume my grandma asked what my brother and I were up to, because she said ImHully’s brother is sleeping, and ImHully is pretending to be asleep. I was like fuck. She said she knew I was faking because my mouth was closed, and whenever I’m actually asleep my mouth is slightly open. Ever since that day, whenever I’m pretending to be asleep for whatever reason, I keep my mouth slightly open. Thanks for the tip mom.[ ImHully]


9. My Mother Telling Me How Much She Loved Me

When I was 6/7 I remember staying up late without the babysitter realising whilst my parents were out. I remember when they came back home I was so worried about getting into trouble for still being awake that I pretended to be asleep. Mum came in the room asking whether or not I was awake (I stayed quiet) and then she just sat down on my bed. She was quiet for what felt like forever but was probably only a couple of minutes before she bent over, stroked my hair, and kissed the top of my head whilst telling me how much she loved me and how much I meant to her and then she tucked the covers around me tighter and left. To this day it’s my favourite memory of her and one I’ve never shared with anyone. [FlyOnDreamWings]


10. My Parents Discussing About My New Puppy

I remember way back I couldn’t sleep on Christmas Eve, you know, being a little kid and all. So during this sleepless night where I guess my parents thought I was asleep, I heard my dad say “where do you think we should hide the new puppy?” That was pretty much at the top of my list, so naturally I was excited that I was getting a puppy. They talked for a good 20 minutes about the puppy, saying things like “how should we keep it from barking before he finds him?” before I dozed off.

Next morning, I discovered that my parents knew I was awake and just decided to f*ck with me. There was no god damn puppy. I got a Gameboy though, so it wasn’t too bad. [Ayatori]

 

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